How is identity related to health?

This week, Jill and Jeff talk about identifying as a sick person and how it can impact our health.

Jeff Sarris
Welcome back to the Kidney Stone Diet podcast a show about reducing your kidney stone risk and living your best life. I’m your host and fellow student Jeff Sarris.

Jill Harris
And I’m Jill Harris, your kidney stone prevention nurse. Happy to be here.

Jeff Sarris
I keep thinking about it was a different episode. But when you’re like, I don’t need a lot of money. How many hoodies do I need? I feel like that’s like a memoir title or something?

Jill Harris
It should be. But you know, I say that because I really live very simple life. Because I think for me, it works. A simple life means less stress. And I’m always trying to minimize stress. So I really, I don’t have I’m not buying clothes. I mean, honestly, I, I go to thrift stores for a lot of my clothes. I you know, I just love finding a bargain. That’s so much fun to me, most of my money, or you know, a big chunk of my monthly budget is spent on food. Number one, I’m always doing meal prepping for the meal plan service. But I’m always trying to figure out like fun new recipes that worked for me and keep me happy. And so the bulk of my budget, besides my rent, of course, is that I might spend the kind of person I’m very simple. And I like a simple life because to me, a simple life means lower stress. And also so and anybody who has a very busy crazy life, I think that’s wonderful. I’ve had that before. It gets me too wound up because I’m already a wound up kind of person. So simple. People, I like visiting my people, I love love, I love my dog, I love sitting on my porch talking to people, my friends, you know, dining out, I don’t do it. So it’s just a simple life, you know, but it makes me very happy. And of course, everybody has to do the life that makes them happy. If people had my life, they’d be like, Oh, my God.

Jeff Sarris
You’re you’re making room for what matters to you. And that’s the important part. And I feel like we all need simplicity in some ways. Yeah. Because it’s just finding our lane. And then making room for that lane, which that lane could be hectic and busy and lots going on. But it’s just making room for that, because that’s the one that we’ve chosen.

Jill Harris
I think for me what it all comes down to, and especially with my mom just dying, but I’ve always felt this way I can’t even throw her in this bucket is just because you know, after she died, you know, there’s just a lot of things everyone had to move from her house and stuff. And so there are just things that now they’re just being donated given away. And I live a very simple, small life, my apartment is very tiny. I have a tiny dog. I mean, it’s just a simple life. And when I was watching all her things being taken from her house, I’m like, you know, again, there’s no u haul, behind a hearse. So it’s like, those things made her happy. But it was just a reminder to me that I’m so grateful. I live simply. And so what’s important to you in life, to me, it’s love and friendship and support and kindness and flowers and son, and my son, son in the sky, my dog, I mean, just so simple kinds of things that bring me joy, laughing brings me joy, you know, so it’s just to me, it’s people. That’s what I want to collect in my life, not tchotchkes. Now, again, everybody’s different. You may have a whole humble collection that you need a storage space for. And I think that’s great, because that makes you happy. But I mean, I think it’s really important because this isn’t a dress rehearsal, that we do figure out what brings us joy, and then go after that. And sometimes going after that just means letting go of stuff. Right? So and we talk about this a lot in the group calls. I have people in the group calls in the kidney stone prevention course, that people are like, I’m moving, I’m downsizing, I am getting rid of my storage thing. So once you start talking about these things, because again, nobody hears Aging Backwards, and you start thinking about what really matters in your life. Well, you can make some great decisions. I mean, you know, I don’t know what you think about Jeff. I mean, you’re like me, you live very simply as well. Right. So tell tell us your thoughts. The male point of view the person point the other point you not just me saying, oh, yeah,

Jeff Sarris
I mean, it’s also it’s a very different side because it’s like no, no children are things I know a lot of people like, oh, I have kids kids need this kids in that and like you do have Nate and like so you have a very different simple life than I have a mom I have. So I do think that’s also important to note because everyone, again, has their own version of whatever it is whether it’s simple or not in their mind. And that’s what’s most important. Like, I mean, obviously, I wear basically the same thing every day. I just, I just like simplicity in general. But we’re also doing a lot like we’re doing a lot with kidney stone diet, I have other projects that I’m always working on, it’s, and that’s what, of course, people, I don’t want to diminish the importance of people. But the thing in my like, sort of personal like heads down, this is what I love to do. I love building businesses and growing, the things that I create into something special and making a difference through there. So it’s like, I need to have room for that there’s, there’s things that move out of the way. So I have room to do that room to connect with people room to travel, make new friends, and just just tally up the experiences, because like you said, this isn’t a dress rehearsal, this, this is our journey. So we need to make the most of it that we can while we’re here.

Jill Harris
Yes, absolutely. It’s very important to me, I want to be like, on, you know, when I’m taking my last breath, I mean, the things I’m going to be thinking about are not a, you know, a pair of pearls, it’s going to be about the people in my life was, did I love them well enough to they, you know, did? Did I make a difference? Doesn’t have to be in the world. But did I make a difference to the people that know me, that’s really important. And, you know, I really don’t know much else than that, right? So that’s what it comes down to, for me. And again, whatever makes you guys happy, I think our responsibility in life is trying to figure out our joy, and where we can get bits of it throughout the day, because life is hard. If you’re not looking for that and practicing, you know, finding joyful moments, it’s very important, I find it very important. You know, I feel like

Jeff Sarris
That’s, to me, the purpose of life is figuring out where you want to be. So it’s not getting there. But it’s the purpose is to me to figure that out and try to pursue it every day is just a practice.

Jill Harris
Yeah. And again, in these group calls that we do, a lot of the people are my age and up. And these these are things nobody has ever thought about, you know, we go through our life because we’re raising kids, or we’re building businesses, or we’re doing all the things we’re married, we’re not married, whatever, we’re partnered up, we’re not partnered up whatever the case is. But we’re so busy with other people and other things that we lose ourselves. And people are like, at 70. Like, I don’t know what I want. And so we do a lot of that kind of work, like how do you want to live? Who do you want to be? How do you want to spend your day just simple questions that really can open your mind up. And when you are more joyful. You could people could say what the hell just talk about kidney stones. But there’s always a reason for this, folks. The reason is this, when you’re happier, more joyful, more content, even even a better word content, you’re able to make more thoughtful food choices, more nutritious food choices for yourself, food choices that are going to nourish and energize your body. Instead of feeling like shit every day and you know, loading up on junk to get that temporary relief, then feeling bad about that, and eating more junk and there the vicious cycle go. So all of this has to do with lifestyle choices.

If you’re miserable, you tend to eat nobody’s eating kale salads, when they’re miserable. That’s just not how it goes. In my experience. Also, a lot of those same people are not working out walking, doing things that make them feel better, because if they were feeling better, from feeling better comes motivation, not the other way around. So that’s why we talk about all this stuff. I know some people in the comments are like they don’t start talking about what I want to hear till 22 minutes in. But it’s our show. And we’re going to do it the way we want and part of eating a healthy lifestyle moving your body. It all starts with up here, folks, it starts with your mind. It’s not going to be read in a book. It’s not by going to my website. It’s about figuring out how to get some joy and contentment in your life. Some calmness in your life. So you can make the time to treat your self better. That’s what this is about. All right. I’m off my soapbox. No,

Jeff Sarris
but I mean also I just wanted to sort of like touch on it’s it’s also like, how we how we define our own identity. Yeah, because am I sick and miserable? Or am I seeking joy and like I am I am someone who this or I am that which like sort of I feel like there’s an we have sort of An action identity or we have a I am this as an identity and they’re, they’re different things and choosing accordingly can make a huge difference. Because if we identify as being someone who’s unwell someone like I’m a kidney stone farmer, I’m just I’m in pain all the time. This is, this is my focus, versus maybe we can reframe that. And just maybe we can focus more on the things that bring us joy make us feel good. And then that, in turn, like you said, makes us healthier as a result, not just from thinking but the actions from it.

Jill Harris
Yeah, listen to this story. I don’t know what we were going to talk about, but we probably won’t get to it. But listen to this story. So I’ve been very ill the last six weeks, I think a lot of days in bed, not Well, I’ve been going through a lot. My mother was very sick, she died. So I’ve been going through a lot of things. And so I’ll throw myself under the bus. Not that I feel that way. But I want to use myself as an example. I scream about all these things, because I’m human, just like anybody else. We’re all just trying to human throughout our days, okay. And so I know I’m an average Joe, or Jill. So if I’m doing this, other people are too. And so I hear patients all day long telling me this. Now, here’s what I’m gonna say. So I’ve been very ill up and down for the last six weeks, due to stress, and this is why I always try to minimize it.

Now the other day, and I’ve been upset about it. I’m like, Oh, my God, this cancer crap, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Maybe I’ll go back. Maybe I’ll get my get a class to me. I can’t do this anymore. I’m weak. I’m tired of all the things. And I kept saying that, Oh, my God, I was getting more and more anxious. Two days ago, I’m walking fit, you know, I’m gonna make something I’m gonna laugh about this too. Because here’s what I did. Now, if you’re listening on Spotify, audible Apple, wherever the hell you’re not going to be able to see me. But picture Jill, as a 200 year old woman going down the porch. So Jeff, I was like this as like this. So I’m holding sin. And I’m like, and I’m holding the railing. And he looked up at me and he said, What the hell are you doing? I said, Well, I’m sick. He’s like, You’ve been saying that a lot. Stand up. So I did he send you what you keep saying it. I hear you, Jill. So stop saying that, because now you look like you’re 500 years old. And so I said, You know what, honey, you’re right. I am looking like I’m 500 years old. Who we tell ourselves we are we become plain and simple. So for six weeks, I have been saying I’m sick. I’m sick. I’m sick. And I was but still did I try to somebody would say come on over.

No, I’m sick. I’m sick. I’m sick. I just got to work. And then I’m going to bed and I need to distress. We get in our own heads. And so six weeks later, my dog is telling me what the hell is it time to call the home? I mean, I don’t even know what to do with you. And so he woke me up, which of course we all know was me talking to myself. But I became a really sick person. No, I’m not going to be glib and dismissive. I have been ill have I been as ill as I’ve been making myself out to. I mean, I did I got a little dramatic.

Jill Harris
So when Finn said that, and I looked at how I was standing and holding the railing, like I was gonna fall off. I mean, I’m like, You’re right. So I stood up, I shoulders back, and we went for our walk. Does it mean I felt 100%? No. Does it mean that I felt like I was 500 years old? No. So sometimes, we need to flip the script. We become the character we keep writing. In our book, we become the character if you say you’re somebody who can’t go out to eat, can’t go out to eat because you worry about kidney stones, you’re going to make yourself miserable and your partner miserable, because now they can’t go out to eat. Okay, so at some point, the problem is illness really is scary. And so when you’ve been ill and why I’m so dedicated to this for kidney stone formers, because I know what it’s like to be ill, you become the sick person. And so I have I am still not my best but I am a heck of a lot better than who I was making myself out to be. What are we talking about?

Jeff Sarris
I think this is exactly what we are talking about today. But yeah, that is it’s just so important. Because that like talking about mindset can be so overdone. because it’s sort of an easy thing to be like, Oh, just change your mind, change your life. But there is at its core, there is something there. It’s not the end all be all, but we are going to impact how we feel and how we move through the world based on how we look at ourselves and how we think about ourselves. Yeah, really important. I love the thought of little fan, like, on the lease, and be like, what do you do with?

Jill Harris
He’s like, really, Mama, what do you do? You’re very spry person, what are you doing? Who have you become? Yeah, so like I said, obviously, it was me noticing myself, you know, and unlike, because I am a pretty reflective person, obviously. But, but because I am a reflective person, even I can just get caught up in anxiety and illness. And, you know, it just, you know, it’s so interesting, because I actually have a lot of experiences like this over the last several years. And that’s why I can relate to my kidney stone patients. So well, and I’m always telling them and the group calls, rise up, rise up, get a bigger perspective, I say that to them all the time, because I need to hear it too. It’s always a great reminder, we all need that. And so thin myself, talking to myself was my rise up moment. It’s like, yes, you don’t feel well, but you’re also not helping the situation. You’re just not in the way you’re thinking, I was doing all the physical things I needed to do believe me. But in my emotional in my head, I wasn’t I had fallen prey to I’m the sick girl with cancer side effects. And, you know, this is always going to be my life and I’m depressed and I’m anxious and I became that person and she pops in a lot.

You know, it’s not like she’s far, ever far away, because they do have it a lot of illness. But and so that’s why with kidney stone patients, I’m a good role model for them in that I’m very honest, but about my anxiety and how I suffer with it too. But also, we have to laugh about it. And we have to get out of our own heads. Because your life becomes very small. And, and if you’re living with other people, you’re going to make their life small too. And so we’ve got to do whatever we can emotionally to get ourselves out of that. And again, I have a therapist, she helps me with it, I have coping skills that she gives me so that for people who have chronic illness, I really if you can afford it. That’s that that is a great, great service to get a therapist. And then you know yoga exercise all the things but see why I got so bad is for the last six. For the last two weeks, sorry, I have not been able to exercise. I haven’t gotten my steps I haven’t been able to get to the gym. It’s been that bad. But but now that I’m emotionally calling myself out or fin I have to thank for I can now now I’m starting to feel better, at least I’m lighter, I can think of more rational solutions to the issues I’m dealing with, I can get support instead of isolating.

So all of those things. So it’s been it’s being sick, being sick is, is there’s always something to learn about it about yourself, about other people. And there’s a lot there. And it should never be taken lightly. Make sure you’re with good health care providers that don’t take you for granted and what you’re saying for granted and all of that it’s a very emotional thing being sick, it just this. And so that’s why I like to call myself out because, you know, I know people like Oh, Jill, if I could only be like you let me tell you, my dog had to slap me across the face before I realized that I looked like I was 117 years old. So we all fall to being human people. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s how we learn. That’s how we grow in life. And it doesn’t mean I’m not going to go back to the old woman again, because I will. I will. It’s not that first time that’s happened, but I maybe Finn will tell me a little bit quicker. And I’ll notice or he’ll notice sooner and it won’t be six weeks. Right. So practice. Yeah, it takes practice all these things do.

Jeff Sarris
Yeah, I think that I think that’s a good spot to pass on the voicemail for this week. However, we will pull up a new one next time. And the phone number is 773-789-8763. And then we’d love to feature your voice on an episode or if you record a voice memo and email that to podcast at kidney stone diet.com Just for all of our international listeners and viewers. But yeah, you can find everything at kidney stone diet.com. You can find the Facebook prevention, the kidney stone prevention group on Facebook, which is a wealth of information and a wonderful community of people who are very supportive and going through exactly what you’re going through. But we also have the group calls with Jill where he get to work are directly with Jill and her group setting the private calls one on one setting and various other things available at kidneystonediet.com. But we hope you’re getting a lot of value out of this channel. If you are just hit that little subscribe button, maybe the thumbs up. It all helps us reach more people with this information. So we appreciate each and every one of you who have already done that and those of you who are doing it now, but I think with that we will wrap and we will see you next week.

Jill Harris
Thanks, Finn. Thanks for having my back. Everybody. Have a good week.