How grief can affect your diet

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Welcome back to the Kidney Stone Diet Podcast, the show about reducing your kidney stone risk and living your best life. I'm your host and fellow student, Jeff Sarris.

And I'm Jill Harris, your kidney stone prevention nurse. Do you know, Jeff? Every time we play that music at the beginning, I look at your sweet, handsome face, and I want to laugh.

Because we have to be quiet, and I'm a perpetual, like, teenage boy. I'm always like, "Oh, we got to be quiet. Let's giggle at each other and see if we can make each other laugh." It's the silliest thing, but I that's what I'm doing when I'm smiling, so y'all know.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. I mean, just because

It is funny because, like, this is so relaxed. We've been talking already before we started recording, but, yeah, it's just it's like a formality that we don't really, typically follow. So.

Well, you know, and people say, they'll write me emails and stuff, and they'll say, "You know, the reason I like your guys's podcast is because, you know, it's it's, you just do what you want to do." And,

Listen, one of the reasons I have to work for myself and Jeff, you do, too. I mean, we kind of really do want to do what we want to do. We're not going to have anyone tell us otherwise.

Am I correct or what?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I had a job long enough and that was it. Like once I left, there was no turning back.

It was one of those things, I like to say that sort of once I once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. You know?

Yes, 100%.

Yeah, I was in it and I'm like, "This is not this is not the space for me." I'm not one to,

At times have to almost pretend, you know, like pretend that I'm busy and pretend that I need to fill this time because

Otherwise that was a like a red flag, you know? It's an issue if you're not like filling all of your hours and looking busy, even when if you're efficient at your work, you're not necessarily busy all the time, potentially. At least in my what I do anyway, when it comes to, like, tech hardware stuff.

But, yeah.

Yeah, I understand.

I understand. Plus, I think in order there's a couple things in life that I think are really important. Number one, you have to be yourself in order to be your best.

And, you know, a lot of people are in jobs that they really cannot be themselves, right? So, they can't be their best. I believe in that.

And then the other thing is you should be able to wear clothes that also make you feel comfortable so you can be your best. So, you know, to be buttoned up and tight and tights and I just it's just not my deal.

Just silly things, but that make such a big difference in life, I think, you know? And also, that you can swear sometimes. And I know I have some followers that like, "I don't like that you swear, Jill." First of all, if you understood how toned down I am for this podcast, you'd be like, "Wow, she's basically a nun."

Just want to say that. I got to be transparent, people.

So, you know, that's it's all important to be yourself. We couldn't roll any other way.

Absolutely.

So, yeah, I mean,

A lot has happened, lately.

Yeah.

It's a it's a tough time. It's, you know, the holidays coming around, which is like we were talking about how unbelievable that is. It doesn't feel like that's possible that we could be at this point in the year already.

It's just zoomed right by.

Yes, it has. And, you know, it's it's funny to me because,

You know, the it seems like the older one gets the faster time goes by. That really is true. But this year,

Boy, it just was a blip. And to comment on what Jeff was just talking about, to my followers, you know, who so many of you already know, but unfortunately, I lost my beautiful brown

Dog, Luke, my big chocolate lab. He just he died a couple days before Thanksgiving,

Unexpectedly. He woke up on a Sunday and he couldn't walk. And of course I was like, "Well, what the hell, maybe I walked him too much the day before, I don't know what happened, he's limping a little." My son's like, "He's limping." I said, "Nate, it's like he has a he's paralyzed, I don't know what's wrong with him." So, we took him to the vet and they said, "You know, maybe he,

You know, hurt his neck." Obviously, they didn't look very well. So, I came home with painkillers for him,

And some anti-inflammatories, and then the next day, Monday,

He I brought him back to the vet and they did do imaging and they're like, "He has a huge tumor on his spine and it's compressing some of his nerves and he's not able to walk. And it's also, this tumor was so big, it displaced his esophagus and his

Larynx, I think it was, yes. And so, that was it, I had to put him down. And when I tell you, so everyone's like, "Well, of course, Jill, of course you're upset." No, no, people.

Down for the count, down for the count upset. I never, I've always had dogs my whole adult life, I

Never thought it would hit me like this. And

One of the reasons I bring that up

Is because this is very important for everybody listening.

People will say,

You know, "I'm going on vacation,

This is happening, I have a lot of errands to do,

What am I going to do? I can't keep up with the goals of the Kidney Stone Diet for this amount of time." Here's the deal, people. Life throws

Shit at you.

That just happens

A few times a week, sometimes daily for a while.

Meaning you're never going to be perfect with lifestyle changes. You just won't be. And the diet industry wants to make you think you're either on a diet or off a diet, and they like you to be off diet so they can sell you new ones.

We are not in that business to do.

We are in the business to tell you that stuff's going to happen. Your dog will die, you may get a divorce, you may have a new illness,

You may have a fight with your spouse, you may have a kid that's on dope. Yes, I'm that old, I said dope.

Whatever the case is, what are you going to do

When something hits you?

So, Luke dying set me,

I was totally gone for several, several days. This just happened a week and a half ago, two weeks, right before Thanksgiving.

And so my default, unhealthy way to live is I don't eat when I'm upset. I don't care about anything. I'm only mono focused on what is happening to me at that point.

So, for me, I totally digress and just cannot eat because I'm so upset. Now,

Because I know that about myself, and you may be saying, "What the hell you talking about yourself for?" Because you're going to learn from it, calm down, listen, hold on.

This is about you, really, not about me. But I always like to throw me in the mix because a lot of people say, "You're so lucky, you got it down, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." No, I don't! I got to work just as hard as you do.

And this is why we say this is a practice every single day, okay? So when Luke died, I wasn't eating. I noticed that within 24 hours, because I know what my default is.

So,

I put him down on a Tuesday morning, did not eat most of the day on Tuesday, but then Tuesday night in the in the midst of my blubbering and depression, I said to myself, "Look,

Obviously you're upset about this,

But you not eating

Or drinking water is not going to make this any better for you." Meaning,

When we are going through something

And we're not taking care of ourself,

It's even more important that we get back on our healthy lifestyle.

Because why make ourselves feel worse?

So look, I still have a full client load. I'm still doing the Kidney Stone Prevention Course every day. I got stuff to do.

And of course, I'm allowed to feel depressed and all that and grieve.

But I have to nourish my body, because I can at least prevent myself, do what I can,

From what just happened to me

And do what I can to make it

Doable,

Better,

Keep on trucking. Does that mean I'm happy? Does that mean I'm okay now?

100% no. I'm still not okay, quite frankly.

But I'm going to do what I can to get myself back to where I need to be.

And so, a lot of people

Undereat, a lot of people

Overeat.

So, for those of you who are trying to

Feel better and take comfort by eating when something happens, no matter what whatever that is,

The point is, you're not helping yourself. I know it feels good for about

10 minutes, and then you eat that unhealthy food, and then you feel worse about yourself. So, the reason I'm bringing this up, and explaining to you about Luke and what I went through, is because I have a choice,

And so do you.

When you're going through something in your life, no matter what it is,

Pay attention

To the unhealthy habits you default to. For me, it's not eating, not hydrating. For you, it may be overeating,

Overhydrating with gin,

Picking up a pack of cigarettes,

Whatever it is.

The quicker you notice it, and get back to your healthy lifestyle, it will not fix the original problem that perhaps led you

To your default,

But

You can notice it quickly and move on with trying to nourish your body in the best way for you at that time, so you can at least start, physically, feeling a little bit better.

Does that all make sense, Jeff?

Oh, it absolutely does. Yeah, I mean it's it's so difficult and we all sort of we all cope with

Experiences like that differently. And

A lot of people do turn to food, but like you said, you turn away from food. So, like what was what were some of the

Things that you noticed maybe? Like, how did you first like start to stick a pin in and be like, "Oh,

Like I've seen this." Was there was there any moment that happened?

Yeah, I think that's an excellent question, and I think it will be different for everybody. But when I'm talking to my patients or my students, I tell them this, so it becomes a habit. Every night before I go to bed,

Some people have different rituals, while I'm brushing my teeth, or after I brush my teeth and go to bed, I do a quick scan of my brain. I like I said, I ask my patients and my students to do this. Take

10 seconds, 6 seconds, 4 seconds, ask yourself this: "How did I do today nourishing my body?"

One question. And number two, "How did I do today with fluids?"

Those are two things that you can ask yourself every night before you go to bed. To Really, it takes less than 5 seconds. And you can say, "Hey, you know, I didn't drink as much as I would like to, I'm going to start getting right back on that tomorrow." So, again, we're always practicing.

"I did not meet my calcium needs today, got to make sure I get them tomorrow. I overate sugar today,

So I'm going to get back on the wagon tomorrow and keep practicing." And so, I noticed, I'm like, "Okay, Jill, between, like I said, blubbering, how'd you do today?" It's just part of my habit, just like I wouldn't go to bed without brushing my teeth. So, I said to myself, "You barely ate a thing. Tomorrow, in order to get your strength back,

You got to eat." Plus,

Even during my

That happens to be, and you're talking to somebody who went through stage four cancer, divorce, all the things I've been through in my life, a lot of stuff, by the way. This dog has brought me to my knees. My companion, my best friend, been there through everything for me, through really hard times in my life.

And, I guess this whole video is going to be about Luke. Oh, well, Jeff, sorry.

No, no problem.

But the reason I Yeah, the reason I talk about Luke, too, is because,

You know, animals are such a wonderful thing, whether you have a human best friend, a cat, a bird, a frog, a dog, whatever it is,

I think, you know, he brought me such comfort in such a tumultuous time in my life for the last, you know, seven years or so. So, the calmness he brought, and the comfort, and the joy that he brought me, it's still breathtaking to me. So, that's all I can tell you.

And then also,

I listen to somebody and this is what they said, and I when I emailed all my patients back, so many people wrote me because my newsletter was about Luke and his passing, and so many people wrote me, so many kind words. And, one of the things I learned throughout this, and that's the one great thing about

Grief or sadness, or bad things that happen to you in your life, you learn so much. And one thing I learned was somebody said,

"Grief is all the unexpressed love you have for the departed."

And that made me feel so much better. So, to think of it, I always say to my patients, too, and students, you know, "Turn it around, buster brown." Whether you're looking at nutrition labels, or maybe you're looking at diet in a negative way, turn it around, look at it in a different way, a positive way. So, instead of, you know,

Freaking out and taking to my bed like an old Italian woman, "I'm grieving, I'm grieving." I liked thinking about it that way. Grief is,

You know, all the love, all the unexpressed love you had for the departed. I think that's a beautiful way to look at it, and has helped me tremendously. So, that's how I've been looking at it.

That's all I got on Luke. I miss him every day. Everyone wants to send me a puppy.

I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

But I miss him greatly. He was definitely my best friend.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I think that's It's great because you have,

You know just the amount of love and care that you received from him, but also that you gave to him over all those years. So, yeah, it just It means a lot, and.

It's funny when you have a pet, you think you're not doing very much. That's how you feel because you get so much, but then, yeah, you know, sure, I did things, too, I guess.

I wish I wish we were in person for this one, I really wanted to give you a hug right now.

I know, I know.

Everyone's always like, "God, I hate when Jill cries, cuz she never does."

She's

But, I mean, it is. I'm a big sap in real life, people, I got to say. So, you know,

You get through it, though. It's What's interesting is watching the process. So, I am pretty mindful person, you know?

So, I watch my process and every day gets a little bit better, and then you have a day where you see a piece of hair that I still didn't sweep up and you're like, "Oh, my god." I mean, you know, so you go back and forth for such a long time, or something you thought you threw away and there's, you know, some you find something an old toy under a couch.

It's hard. It really is. But

It is It shows you how much animals bring to your life. It really It really is amazing, and I'm so very grateful I had He died, I think, a few days before his 10th birthday, so I had him for the most important parts of my life, really, and I'll always be grateful, so I have all those wonderful memories.

I don't know, do you want to talk about sugar now, Jeff?

No, I think this

Or we can just make it the next video, I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, I think this is this is a good spot to wrap it, cuz it is, it's important to share about what you're going through, because this is this is a piece of you, this show is a major piece of you and Luke is

Yeah.

And was everything. So, like,

It's it's important to share and sort of get it out there and also for other people who are grieving and going through things and like understanding what you're going through and how you're going through it, because that is extremely valuable.

It is. And the thing is, because people think, " she's always bodybuilding, she's doing this, she's doing that." But it's not easy for me either, and this is why I tell people, "Look, what I'm asking you to do, what Jeff is asking you to do, what Dr. Coe is asking you to do, my mentor, we understand that this is hard.

And when life throws stuff in your way, it's even harder." You're going to, no matter I've been on a healthy eating healthy for years and years, it doesn't mean that I still don't when something I'm going through, it's it doesn't mean that I go don't go to my default. But I have to know that about myself and get back to work as soon as I can.

Also, the next day I went to the gym. Why? Because, again, I'm always chasing outcomes and I know that if I go to the gym, I'm going to not only feel stronger physically, I'm going to feel stronger mentally, and for me, that's everything.

So, again, I will ask patients and students, please, please find coping, healthy coping skills. They are amazing and they are so beneficial when you need them most, right? So, you know, it's not easy.

I didn't I wanted to just take to my bed the whole day after Luke died for many days, but I have work to do and I have things to do, and that includes my daily regimen of working out. So, I, you know, again, it's it's important to have those go-tos because it makes you, even though you still feel crappy, you're going to feel a bip better, and that's what we're looking for and that's what gets you in the game quicker.

So, that's why I think it's important to talk about Luke or anything that I go through, just to show people that, "Look, I'm going to I may have an unhealthy day, too. So, what? I don't care about it if people have unhealthy day or two." The fact is, because life happens, the fact is, though, the quicker you get back in the game, the better you will feel

No matter what you're going through. So, that's the that's more importantly the message for today's video.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think that's a perfect spot to wrap, a perfect note to wrap on. And, if you're

I feel funny doing like the normal outro for it, but, head over to Yeah, head over to

Do it. Do it, people got to move on.

Sampeydiet.com, and that there you can find everything that Jill has on offer, premium products, like the Kidney Stone Prevention Course, and then free things like the weekly newsletter that Jill sends to your inbox every Saturday. And, yeah, also the Kidney Stone Prevention Course on Facebook for the community, because like when moments like this happen, it means a lot to have a community and that community is very it feels very tight-knit, you know?

Jeff, I will say this, too. That Facebook community and the newsletter community, there's thousands and thousands of people in both of those communities. And I've I've talked about this, too, I thought I was building those communities

For them.

I cannot tell you how much this the community I created happens to be It has been so much for me. I thought I was creating it out of the goodness of my heart for everybody, but it has become such a great support and value in my life, and companionship, all of Everything that I wanted to give, I've gotten back a million fold.

I mean, I don't even know what to say. So many times I'm rather speechless about it all. It's a wonderful community.

If you're If you are on Facebook, please join the Kidney Stone Diet Group, and if you're and my newsletter, I always send out things on Saturdays talking about diet and habit forming things, all kinds of stuff, so join that community, they're great.

Yeah. So, I think we'll wrap right there. So, thanks, everyone, for listening and we will see you next time.

Bye, guys. Thank you.