# How is identity related to health? Source: https://kidneystonediet.com/preview/ep/how-is-identity-related-to-health/ Published: 2023-11-07 --- [![Kidney Stone Diet Podcast](https://kidneystonediet.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Kidney-Stone-Diet-Podcast-1-1024x1024.jpg)](https://kidneystonediet.com/preview/podcast/) [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC8zQiL3HJM)[Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-is-identity-related-to-health/id1528474326?i=1000634011761&uo=4)[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/episode/7m53qDWZbfYYAr13NfVDyK)[Amazon Music](https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/0868148d-adfd-411d-b3f2-71a0ad1461ec) November 7, 2023 --- ![Jeff Sarris](https://kidneystonediet.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/Jeff-Sarris-150x150.jpg) Jeff Sarris Host ![Jill Harris](https://kidneystonediet.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Kidney-Stone-Diet-Jill-Harris-150x150.jpg) Jill Harris Host This week, Jill and Jeff talk about identifying as a sick person and how it can impact our health. This podcast is designed to entertain and inform — not provide medical advice. 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Thanks for your support!\*\ —— ***Kidney Stone Diet is a SPYR Podcast _****\*\ [*More SPYR Podcasts*](http://spyr.fm/)*_*\ Starting Now / By Amara ## Chapters - 00:00:34 Simple Living and Stress Reduction - 00:02:31 Prioritizing Relationships Over Physical Possessions - 00:07:09 Connecting Mindset with Healthy Lifestyle Choices - 00:09:39 Impact of Self Identity on Health Outcomes - 00:10:33 Internal Narratives During Chronic Illness Recovery - 00:15:23 Emotional Support and Therapy for Health Struggles - 00:19:12 Kidney Stone Prevention Resources and Support ## Transcript 00:00:00 Jill Harris The following is designed to entertain and inform, not provide medical advice. Always consult your doctor before starting any treatment. 00:00:20 Jeff Sarris Welcome back to the Kidney Stone Diet Podcast, a show about reducing your kidney stone risk and living your best life. I'm your host and fellow student, Jeff Sarris. 00:00:28 Jill Harris And I'm Jill Harris, your kidney stone prevention nurse. Yeah! Happy to be here. ### Simple Living and Stress Reduction 00:00:34 Jeff Sarris I keep thinking about—it was a different episode, but when you were like, "I don't need a lot of money. How many hoodies do I need?" I just—I feel like that's like a memoir title or something. 00:00:45 Jill Harris It should be. But, you know, I say that because I really live a very simple life because I think, for me, it works. A simple life means less stress, and I'm always trying to minimize stress. So, I really—I don't have—I'm not buying clothes. I mean, honestly, I go to thrift stores for a lot of my clothes. You know, I just love finding a bargain. That's so much fun to me. Most of my money, or, you know, a big chunk of my monthly budget is spent on food. Number one, I'm always doing meal prepping for the meal plan service, but I'm always trying to figure out like fun new recipes that work for me and keep me happy. And so, the bulk of my budget, besides my rent, of course, is—that's—I'm not a spendy kind of person. I'm very simple, and I like a simple life because to me, a simple life means lower stress. And also—so, anybody who has a very busy, crazy life, I think that's wonderful. I've had that before. It gets me too wound up because I'm already a wound-up kind of person. So, simple, people—I like visiting my people, I love, I love my dog, I love sitting on my porch talking to people, my friends. You know, dining out I don't do. So, it's just a simple life, you know? But it makes me very happy. And, of course, everybody has to do the life that makes them happy. If people had my life, they'd be like, "Oh my god!" 00:02:11 Jeff Sarris Yeah, you're making room for what matters to you, and that's the important part. And I feel like we all need simplicity in some ways because it's just finding our lane and then making room for that lane, which that lane could be hectic and busy and lots going on, but it's just making room for that because that's the one that we've chosen. ### Prioritizing Relationships Over Physical Possessions 00:02:31 Jill Harris I think for me what it all comes down to, and especially with my mom just dying, but I've always felt this way, I can't even throw her in this bucket, is just because, you know, after she died, you know, there's just a lot of things everyone had to move from her house and stuff. And so, there are just things that now they're just being donated, given away, and I live a very simple, small life. My apartment's very tiny. I have a tiny dog. I mean, it's just a simple life. And when I was watching all her things being taken from her house, I'm like, you know, again, there's no U-Haul behind a hearse. So, it's like those things made her happy, but it was just a reminder to me that I'm so grateful I live simply. And so, what's important to you in life? To me, it's love and friendship and support and kindness and flowers and sun and my son, son in the sky, my dog, I mean, just so simple kind of things that bring me joy. Laughing brings me joy. You know, so it's just, to me, it's people. That's what I want to collect in my life, not knickknacks. Now, again, everybody's different. You may have a whole Hummel collection that you need a storage space for, and I think that's great because that makes you happy. But I mean, I think it's really important because this isn't a dress rehearsal that we do figure out what brings us joy and then go after that. And sometimes going after that just means letting go of stuff, right? So, and we talk about this a lot in the group calls. I have people in the group calls in the Kidney Stone Prevention Course that people are like, "I'm moving. I'm downsizing. I am getting rid of my storage things." So, once you start talking about these things, because again, nobody here is aging backwards, and you start thinking about what really matters in your life, well, you can make some great decisions. I mean, you know, I don't know what you think about it, Jeff. I mean, you're like me. You live very simply as well, right? So, tell us your thoughts. The male point of view, the person point—the other point, you, not just me saying it. 00:04:45 Jeff Sarris Yeah, I mean it's also—it's a very different side because like no—no children or anything. I know a lot of people are like, "Oh, I have kids. Kids need this, kids need that." And like you do have Nate and like, so you have a very different simple life than I have, Mara and I have. So, I do think that's also important to note because everyone, again, has their own version of whatever it is, whether it's simple or not in their mind. And that's what's most important. Like, I mean, obviously, I wear basically the same thing every day. I just—I just like simplicity in general, but we're also doing a lot. Like we're doing a lot with Kidney Stone Diet, I have other projects that I'm always working on. It's—and that's what—what, of course, people. I don't want to diminish my importance of people, but the thing in my like sort of personal, like heads down, this is what I love to do, I love building businesses and growing the things that I create into something special and making a difference through there. So, it's like I need to have room for that. There's—there's things that move out of the way so I have room to do that, room to connect with people, room to—to travel, make new friends, and just—just tally up the experiences because like you said, this isn't a dress rehearsal. This—this is our journey, so we need to make the most of it that we can while we're here. 00:06:06 Jill Harris Yes, absolutely. It's very important to me. I want to be like on, you know, when I'm taking my last breath, I mean, the things I'm going to be thinking about are not, you know, a pair of pearls. It's going to be about the people in my life. Was—did I love them well enough? Did they, you know, did I make a difference? It doesn't have to be in the world, but did I make a difference to the people that know me? That's really important. And I, you know, I really don't know much else than that, right? So, that's what it comes down to for me. And again, whatever makes you guys happy, I think our responsibility in life is trying to figure out our joy and where we can get bits of it throughout the day because life is hard if you're not looking for that and practicing, you know, finding joyful moments. It's very important. I find it very important, you know? 00:06:54 Jeff Sarris Yeah, I feel like that's the—like to me, the purpose of life is figuring out where you want to be. So, it's—it's not getting there, but it's—the purpose is to me to figure that out and try to pursue it every day as just a practice. ### Connecting Mindset with Healthy Lifestyle Choices 00:07:09 Jill Harris Yeah, and again in these group calls that we do, a lot of the people are my age and up, and these—these are things nobody has ever thought about. You know, we go through our life and we're raising kids, or we're building businesses, or we were doing all the things. We're married, we're not married, whatever, we're partnered up, we're not partnered up, whatever the case is, but we're so busy with other people and other things that we lose ourselves. And people are like at 70, like, "I don't know what I want." And so, we do a lot of that kind of work, like how do you want to live? Who do you want to be? How do you want to spend your day? Just simple questions that really can open your mind up. And when you are more joyful, you take—'cause people could say, "What the hell? Just talk about kidney stones!" But there's always a reason for this, folks. The reason is this: when you're happier, more joyful, more content—even a better word, content—you're able to make more thoughtful food choices, more nutritious food choices for yourself, food choices that are going to nourish and energize your body instead of feeling like shit every day and, you know, loading up on junk to get that temporary relief, then feeling bad about that and eating more junk, and there the vicious cycle goes. So, all of this has to do with lifestyle choices. If you're miserable, you tend to eat—nobody's eating kale salads when they're miserable. That's just not how it goes in my experience. Also, a lot of those same people are not working out, walking, doing things that make them feel better, because if they were feeling better, from feeling better comes motivation, not the other way around. So, that's why we talk about all this stuff. I know some people in the comments are like, "They don't start talking about what I want to hear till 22 minutes in." But it's our show, and we're going to do it the way we want. And part of eating a healthy lifestyle, moving your body, it all starts up here, folks. It starts with your mind. It's not going to be read in a book. It's not by going to my website. It's about figuring out how to get some joy and contentment in your life, some calmness in your life, so you can make the time to treat yourself better. That's what this is about. All right, I'm off my soapbox. ### Impact of Self Identity on Health Outcomes 00:09:39 Jeff Sarris Yeah. No, but I mean also I just wanted to sort of like touch on it's—it's also like how we—how we define our own identity. 00:09:47 Jill Harris Yes! 00:09:48 Jeff Sarris Because am I sick and miserable? 00:09:51 Jill Harris Yes. 00:09:51 Jeff Sarris Or am I seeking joy? And like I am—I am someone who this or I am that. Which like sort of I feel like there's an—we have sort of an action identity or we have a "I am this" as an identity, and they're—they're different things. And choosing accordingly can make a huge difference. 'Cause if we identify as being someone who's unwell, someone like, "I'm a kidney stone former, I'm just—I'm in pain all the time, this is—this is my focus," versus maybe we can reframe that and just maybe we can focus more on the things that bring us joy, make us feel good, and then at—in turn, like you said, makes us healthier as a result, not just from thinking, but the actions from it. ### Internal Narratives During Chronic Illness Recovery 00:10:33 Jill Harris Listen to this—yeah. Listen to this story. I don't know what we were going to talk about, but we probably won't get to it, but listen to this story. So, I've been very ill the last six weeks. Think a lot of days in bed, not well. I've been going through a lot. My mother was very sick. She died. So, I've been going through a lot of things. And so, I'll throw myself under the bus. Not that I feel that way, but I want to use myself as an example. I scream about all these things because I'm human just like anybody else. We're all just trying to human throughout our days, okay? And so, I know I'm an average Joe or Jill. So, if I'm doing this, other people are, too. And so, I hear patients all day long telling me this. Now, here's what I'm going to say. So, I've been very ill up and down for the last six weeks due to stress, and this is why I always try to minimize it. Now, the other day—and I've been upset about it, I'm like, "Oh my god, this cancer crap, I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll go back—maybe I'll get my—get a colostomy. I can't do this anymore. I'm weak, I'm tired of all the things." And I kept saying that, "Oh my god." I was getting more and more anxious. Two days ago, I'm walking Finn. You know, I'm going to make something—I'm going to laugh about this, too, 'cause here's what I did. Now, if you're listening on Spotify, Audible, Apple, wherever the hell, you're not going to be able to see me. But picture Jill as a 200-year-old woman going down the porch. So, Jeff, I was like this. I was like this. So, I'm holding Finn and I'm like—and I'm holding the railing. And he looked up at me and he said, "What the hell are you doing?" I said, "Well, I'm sick." He's like, "You've been saying that a lot. Stand up!" So, I did. He said, "You—what—you keep saying it. I hear you, Jill. So, stop saying that 'cause now you look like you're 500 years old." And so, I said, "You know what, honey? You're right. I am looking like I'm 500 years old." Who we tell ourselves we are, we become. Plain and simple. So, for six weeks, I have been saying, "I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick." And I was, but still, did I try to—somebody would say, "Come on over." "No, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick. I just got to work and then I'm going to bed, and I need to destress." We get in our own heads. And so, six weeks later, my dog is telling me, "What the hell? Is it time to call the home? I mean, I don't even know what to do with you." And so, he woke me up, which, of course, we all know was me talking to myself. But I became a really sick person. Now, I'm not going to be glib and dismissive. I have been ill. Have I been as ill as I've been making myself out to? I mean, I got—I did, I got a little dramatic. I like to make myself laugh. So, when Finn said that, and I looked at how I was standing and holding the railing like I was going to fall off, I mean, I'm like, "You're right." So, I stood up, I—I shoulders back, and we went for our walk. Does it mean I felt 100%? No. Does it mean that I felt like I was 500 years old? No. So, sometimes we need to flip the script. We become the character we keep writing in our book. We become the character. If you say you're somebody who can't go out to eat, can't go out to eat 'cause you're worried about kidney stones, you're going to make yourself miserable and your partner miserable, 'cause now they can't go out to eat, okay? So, at some point, the problem is illness really is scary. And so, when you've been ill, and why I'm so dedicated to this for kidney stone formers, 'cause I know what it's like to be ill, you become the sick person. And so, I have—I am still not my best, but I'm a heck of a lot better than who I was making myself out to be. What were we talking about? 00:14:48 Jeff Sarris I think I think this is exactly what we are talking about today. But yeah, that is—it's just so important because that—like talking about mindset can be so overdone because it's sort of an easy thing to be like, "Oh, just change your mind, change your life." But there is, at its core, there is something there. It's not the end-all, be-all, but we are going to impact how we feel and how we move through the world by contextually how we look at ourselves and how we think about ourselves. It's really important. I love the—the thought of little Finn. Like on the leash, just looking up and being like, "What are you doing?" ### Emotional Support and Therapy for Health Struggles 00:15:23 Jill Harris He's like, "Really, Mama? What are you doing? I mean, come on, you're a very spry person. What are you doing? Who have you become?" Yeah. So, like I said, obviously, it was me noticing myself, you know, and I'm like—because I am a pretty reflective person, obviously. But—but because I am a reflective person, even I can just get caught up in anxiety and illness and, you know, it's just—you know, it's so interesting because I have a lot of experiences like this over the last several years and that's why I can relate to my kidney stone patients so well, and I'm always telling them in the group calls, "Rise up! Rise up! Get a bigger perspective." I say that to them all the time because I need to hear it, too. It's always a great reminder. We all need that. And so, Finn, by self talking to myself, was my "rise up" moment. It's like, yes, you don't feel well, but you're also not helping the situation. You're just not in—in the way you're thinking. I was doing all the physical things I needed to do, believe me, but in—in my emotional, in my head, I wasn't. I—I had fallen prey to "I'm the sick girl with cancer side effects and, you know, this is always going to be my life and I'm depressed and I'm anxious," and I became that person. And she pops in a lot. You know, it's not like she's far, ever far away because I do have a lot of illness, but—and so, that's why with kidney stone patients, I'm a good role model for them in that I'm very honest, but about my anxiety and how I suffer with it, too. But also, we have to laugh about it and we have to get out of our own heads, because your life becomes very small, and, and if you're living with other people, you're going to make their life small, too. And so, we've got to do whatever we can emotionally to get ourselves out of that. And again, I have a therapist, she helps me with it. I have coping skills that she gives me, so that for people who have chronic illness, I really—if you can afford it, that's—that is a great, great service to get a therapist, and then, you know, yoga, exercise, all the things. But see, why I got so bad is for the last six—for the last two weeks, sorry, I have not been able to exercise. I haven't got my steps. I haven't been able to get to the gym. It's been that bad. But, but now that I'm emotionally calling myself out—or Finn, I have to thank for—I can now, now I'm starting to feel better. At least I'm lighter. I can think of, more rational solutions to the issues I'm dealing with. I can get support instead of isolating. So, all of those things. So, it's been it's—being sick, being sick is—is there's always something to learn about it, about yourself, about other people, and there's a lot there. And it should never be taken lightly. Make sure you're with good healthcare providers that don't take you for granted and what you're saying for granted and all of that. It's a very emotional thing being sick. It just is…. And so, that's why I like to call myself out, 'cause I know people are like, "Oh, Jill, if I could only be like you." Let me tell you, my dog had to slap me across the face before I realized that I looked like I was 117 years old. So, we all fall, to being human, people. There's nothing wrong with that. That's how we learn. That's how we grow in life. And it doesn't mean I'm not going to go back to the old woman again, 'cause I will. I will. It's not the first time that's happened, but I maybe, Finn will tell me a little bit quicker and I'll notice, or he'll notice sooner, and it won't be six weeks, right? So, yeah. 00:19:07 Jeff Sarris It's all just practice. 00:19:09 Jill Harris Yeah, it takes practice. All these things do.. ### Kidney Stone Prevention Resources and Support 00:19:12 Jeff Sarris Well, yeah, I think that—I think that's a good spot to, pass on the voicemail for this week. However, we will pull up a new one next time and the phone number is 773-789-8763. And then, we'd love to feature your voice on an episode, or if you record a voice memo and email that to podcast@kidneystonediet.com, just for all of our international listeners and viewers. But yeah, you can find everything at kidneystonediet.com. You can find the Facebook prevention—the Kidney Stone Prevention Group on Facebook, which is a wealth of information and a wonderful community of people who are very supportive and going through exactly what you're going through. But we also have the group calls with Jill where you get to work, directly with Jill in a group setting, the private calls, one-on-one setting, and various other things available at kidneystonediet.com. But we hope you're getting a lot of value out of this channel. If you are, just hit that little, subscribe button, maybe the thumbs up. It all helps us reach more people with this information, so we appreciate each and every one of you who have already done that and those of you who are doing it now. But I think with that, we will wrap, and we will see you next week. 00:20:30 Jill Harris Thanks, Finn. Thanks for having my back. Everybody, have a good week.